Blog : September 2007

38th Annual Chicago Pride Parade

At long last! I finally managed to finish up editing on my photos from the 38th Annual Chicago Pride Parade. (That link will jump you over to my photography web site.)

Crying on the Inside

I'm questioning a lot of things in life right now, including life itself.

Why do we feel? Why do we care? Why do we long? Why do we miss? Why do we hurt?

I don't believe anybody really knows, we all just formulate a reason for ourselves or grasp onto other people's answers that help us sustain until the day when our beings cease to be.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too cushioned from reality to understand what reality is. On the other hand, how much closer to reality can I get than to be on my own in the world? Reality is something different to each person. There just happen to be enough people who come close enough to agreeing that they can call their reality "Society" and live in some kind of harmony.

There are some people in my life for whom I care very, very deeply. Some know it, others don't, and still others have been told but may not be able to accept it.

My thoughts are violent, my actions are kind, my feelings are sincere.

How many more days will I wake up feeling helpless?

My house has been for sale for over a year now. We got an offer today, but the fuckers low-balled us like a two-bit whore.

I got the "M" class added to my driver's license, so I am now officially licensed to ride motorcycles. Rock on.

Things I'm considering next: Flight lessons (expensive!), Hand gun training, Windsurfing lessons (will need to wait until next summer due to weather restraints).

Meanwhile, I need to schedule a slew of doctor's appointments. I hate doctors. I hate medical facilities. I hate hospitals. Keep your damned fingers and utensils to yourself.

Tool and A Perfect Circle have been very, very good to me these past few weeks. I cannot get enough.

Ride This

This past weekend I successfully completed the Motorcycle Safety course provided by NIU. Scoring for the final exam is much like the scoring in golf - the lower your score the better you did. A 21 is failing. I scored 3. This was due to my bike going over the line when executing a really poor right u-turn. The left u-turn gave me no problem, but for some reason the right u-turn paralyzed me.

Oh well, everything else was right on, including getting 50 out of 50 questions correct on the written exam.

Sometime this week I'll be stopping by the Secretary of State's office to have my driver's license modified to include the M class and I'll be a fully licensed motorcycle rider.

Moving On Without Forgetting

Spent last week out of town at the last minute due to the passing of my Grandpa. Went to be with family and to attend his services. It was a sad time but at the same time it was nice to see extended family that I haven't seen for over ten years.

I took many photos during both the viewing and the service. I was quite apprehensive about the prospect of viewing my dead grandfather, but it was much easier than I expected. Not sure if that's a good thing. The most noticable thing about the viewing was that he did not look like himself. I realized later that it was due to the lack of glasses he always wore, his jowled cheeks being smoothed back by the caretaker, and his hair being combed straight back instead of parted on the side. But it was definitely him.

The hardest part of it all was watching my grandmother mourn her loss. She, too, is 94 years old and had been married to my grandfather for 69 years. They were together since they were 13 years old. She is simply shattered inside.

I have so much more going on in my mind that I would like to say, but alas, this may just not be the time or the place.

R.I.P., Grandpa

This morning at approximately 5:00am my grandfather passed away at 94 years old. He was a good man.

Left: Pepa, Right: Grandpa

Woo Hoo!

I've been in a bit of a time warp.