Blog : April 2007

Word of the Day

BACKUP

That's right.

Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup. Backup.

And regularly.

I lost a hard drive today. Hardware failure. Unmountable. Clickity-click-click. Last time I backed this particular drive up was three weeks ago. This was my audio drive. At least 24 hours of work lost. New remix...lost. Ugh. Not the end of the world, but it sure reinforces the need to back EVERYTHING up on a REGULAR basis. Ugh. It's a lesson I've learned before, and one I'm sure I'll learn again.

Ugh.

Back your shit up.

MyBrokenSpace

I hate MySpace. There, I said it. I hate it. It's slow, it's not user-friendly, it's not reliable, it is more often than not giving me error messages than doing what I ask of it.

One day I'm going to invent something that attracts millions of users, makes me lots of money, but doesn't work for shit. But for now, I'll stick with this here little web site.

You Got a Problem With Me?

There are a handful of things I've learned in life. Of course, I'm exaggerating as I've only learned two things in life. That's not true, either.

One thing I have learned, however, is that it is not possible to control how someone else will react to something I say or do. I can only control myself. While it may be a possible to influence or manipulate how someone else may react to something I say or do, I cannot control their reaction. Their reaction is ultimately their decision.

I can only control myself. My actions. My thoughts. My words. My reactions. How, then, am I to ensure that someone doesn't have an adverse reaction to something I say or do? Do I work myself into a hole that narrowly defines who I am and how I behave? Create rules that will cater to the lowest common denominator? Or do I just not concern myself with the reactions of those around me and go about my life as I see fit?

If I do go about my life on my own accord, how do I maintain relationships that have already been established? Do I modify my behavior based on the audience? Based on the context? Based on what I think the other party wants me to say or do?

It's interesting to hear someone's first impression of myself after I have already established a relationship with them. Sometimes it's a bit painful to hear, and sometimes it's amusing. Regardless, it's always educational.

There are some who have told me that their first impression of me was that of an ass. Others have told me that I seemed guarded. There are more, but these have left more of an impression on me than the rest.

And then there are those who have no issue with me upon first impression (or perhaps they simply never share with me their first impression for fear of my reaction), but over time draw quite different conclusions. Some have found me to be a trustworthy and worthwhile friend to have. Others have concluded that I am, in fact, an ass and worth nothing more than the shit I poop. That's fine, most of the time as these are the people with whom I'd rather not be associated. But then sometimes, it is these very people that cause me the most strife.

Why? Because I thought we had something more going than we actually did. How did that happen? How did I react in such a way that I thought the relationship was going somewhere good when the other party viewed the entire thing as a waste of time and was reaching for the toilet paper? In the long run, do these relationships really matter? Is it worth the effort to attempt to change the perception impressed upon the other party?

And then we're back to the lack of control that I have on someone else's reaction. They chose to react negatively to the relationship. Any attempt I make to salvage the relationship or to repair damage will only go so far as they are willing to allow it to go. I cannot force someone to reconcile with me. I cannot force someone to like me or conclude that I am something more than just an ass. I can only present my thoughts and feelings and provide the opportunity for open communication. If they choose to forego this gesture, then I am powerless to effect positive change on the situation.

Yet, these situations still bother me regularly.

Let me look in the mirror for a moment. Have I ever been the one on the other side that doesn't see any value in reconcilation? Yes, I have. However, either I'm in denial, or the frequency of this situation is very, very low and in each case I came to the realization that continuing in the relationship would simply be destructive to myself and that I need to take a new or different path. Or maybe I'm just making excuses. Or maybe this is the conclusion that others reach when they decide it's not worth patching things up with me.

While I cannot control how someone else will react to the things I say or do, I can do all that is in my power to enable open communication between myself and those with whom I come in contact on a regular basis and those with whom I am building relationships, be they professional or personal.

There is one thing I know that is crucial to successful relationships: communication. It's the only way. This means each party cannot harbor ill will against the other. If there is an issue it needs to be discussed. If one party has wronged the other, they need to address it with that person. It is then upon the other party to choose how to react to the communication, no matter how difficult or painful it may be. Some may consider this confrontation. I consider it communication. How else will we be able to work through anything if we simply hide our hurt and hide our ill will? This shit does not simply go away. It festers, and eventually, it explodes.

I didn't say I had all the answers, I just said this is one of the things I've learned.

Active Week

So far this week has been rather active for me, thanks in large part to the relatively warm weather that has returned to Chicago.

Here are the seasons in Chicago as I see them: cold, really fucking hot, cold, really fucking cold. Rinse, repeat. Welcome to Chicago.

Lame weather patterns aside, I pulled my bike out on Sunday and managed to squeak out a 14 mile ride. It actually wasn't as far as I wanted to go, but the wind picked up, clouds rolled in and I got rather chilly despite long sleeves, pants and working hard. I also discovered a new path that offers more variety than the route I've taken in the past.

Yesterday I ran outside for the first time this year. It felt pretty good aside from the fact that I've been having problems with my left knee. I'm not sure yet if it's muscular or structural. I'm guessing muscle since it seems okay for the first part of my run and then increases in pain intensity towards the end. It sucks, really.

I'm getting caught up on editing. Priority and motivation for some shoots go down when they aren't financially motivated. New pics will begin to appear later this week.

Jesus Wants to Be My Friend!

I found this in my inbox this morning and couldn't help but laugh. Out loud.

Jesus would like to be added to your MySpace friends list.

By accepting Jesus as your friend, you will be able to send Jesus personal messages, view Jesus's photos and blog, and interact with each other's friends and network!

Head Not In Good Place

Sleep has not come easy tonight. And now, I can't.

I need at least another 4 hours. Argh.

Photosets, Phinally

Remember when I mentioned that I went to St. Louis and that I took a bunch of fabulous photos during the trip? Well, they're ready for their solo! I've launched a new section of this site called Photosets wherein each post contains a slideshow of a set of photos around a theme. These are photos that don't really belong in my gallery, but that I still want to share in some kind of storyboard format.

At the moment there are two Photosets available to view. The most recent is my weekend in St. Louis and the other is my trip to Las Vegas and Salt Lake City back in 2004. I already have a couple more in the works, not all related to vacations, either.

Be sure to check out the videos on the St. Louis post. I wrote and recorded the soundtracks for both of them. Yes, that's right, I recorded new music!

Over the Years

I have been blogging on and off over the past 6 years. My first blog post was June 28, 2001, the first day I purchased my first (and so far, only) house.

Just thought I'd share.

So A. Noid

This morning I had 30 minutes left to sleep before my alarm was set to sound. I was out, but the beeping wouldn't stop. BEEP. BEEP. Finally, I woke up enough to look at the clock and realize that our power was out.

The beeping was both of my computer battery backup systems calling my name. One of them will shut the machine down automatically, but the other requires some manual intervention.

I got up to take care of the machines and just happened to look out the window. WHAT?!?!? IT'S SNOWING! ARGH! What happened to SPRING?

As if I needed another reason to want to move to a warmer climate.

New Site Feature

I added a page to this site that compiles all of the recent entries from all the different sections that I update on a regular basis including: Blog, Photoblog, Wallpapers, and a new section under construction.

To access this new page, simply click the Home link in the navigation on the left. This is for the convenience of anybody wanting to stop in and see what's new at a glance.

You see how much I love people that visit my site regularly? I take care of them.

A Dream

Parents were in a new house. Big. 2 stories, big staircase, big garage. They especially liked the childproof features of everything. Gate at top of stairs, safety handles on everything. I had my own room, wall to wall carpeting. Wasn't sure if I liked it better than hardwood but it sure felt nice. I was thinking of all the ways I was going to paint the room and decorate it. It had a bunch of "my" stuff stacked in it, though I didn't recognize any of the stuff.

Then we were all getting ready for a wedding. A cousin's wedding. Not sure who, or if it was actually a cousin of mine. An aunt and uncle were with us, and we were suddenly in a big hotel, but the interior was similar to the new house mentioned above.

We all made our way outside, I had every intention of getting changed before we left. Got in the car with my aunt & uncle (uncle Tom was his name, I don't have an uncle Tom) and one of my twin girl cousins in the back (I don't have any twin cousins). I'm assuming it was her sister getting married since the other twin didn't make an appearance. As we were just pulling away from the hotel I noticed I hadn't changed my shirt & pants, that I was still in t-shirt & jeans, but had intended to change into dress pants & shirt. I had my sport coat on. I also realized I didn't have my camera.

I asked Tom if he would please turn around and let me change and get my camera. My aunt commented that we were already running late. I said if you won't take me back then just drop me off and I'll walk back to the hotel and I just won't go to the wedding. Tom pulled to the side of the road, but there was a huge puddle all along the side of the road, more like a creek than a puddle.

Seeing the water I said I'd rather have my camera or I'll just be bored. Why can't you just take me back because I really want to go to the wedding and I really want to look nice for it and take pictures.

Tom said fine and started turning the truck around (I just realized it was an SUV of some sort, maybe it changed in the dream) and ran out of road (we were along the ocean) and had to go back and forth a couple of times to maneuver the turn. At one point his front right wheel was hanging off the ledge, but he was able to pull it back on the road.

Tom pulled into a parking lot across from the hotel where I hopped out and started running to the front entrance. There was a gate house entrance at the road and there were a number of people coming in and out. They were my first obstacle, and I bumped shoulders with a couple of them running inside. Then inside the gate house there was a child who would not get out of the way. Finally, someone with the child came in and got him out of my way. I got into the hotel and to stairways to the second floor. My room number was 216 (a recent hotel room number for me). I chose one staircase, but since they were both narrow, and lots of people were coming down my first choice (I couldn't see up the stairs until I made the decision and ran over to the stairs), I chose to run to the other staircase.

I didn't realize that the other staircase went up to a dead end room/lounge area. I managed to find my way through the room, through an "off-limits" back room where there was a craft table set up and people working, and another door that led out to the main hallway of the hotel. Once entering the main hallway I started running what I thought was the right direction, but realized that the main hallway was really a long ramp between the first & second floor, and that I was running the wrong way.

This entire time there were often many people wandering around and in my way. This required much ducking and dodging.

I turned around and ran the other way in the hall. I should have been back to my room and changed by now. It had taken way too long to run this far already. I was tired of running around. I was tired of trying to get through the people.

I woke up.

A High

This weekend? Good. No, great.

Realizing a vision is a great feeling. Creating art is a great feeling. Making friends and learning more about existing friends is a great feeling.

Being tired after doing all of the above in one weekend is a great feeling.

Self-Portraits

I've been on a self-portrait kick lately.

Close Call

I saw someone else's life flash before my eyes this afternoon. I was in the right lane of a four lane road, right turn signal on, slowing down to turn right. There was a car parallel to me on my left, and a car on the road on which I was about to turn preparing to turn left onto the road that I was about to leave.

You with me on this?

The car on my right saw me slowing to turn and assumed the coast was clear on his left, so he pulled out and looked to his right to check oncoming traffic. Problem is, he didn't see the car on my left which, fortunately, veered around the front of (almost) dead man's car and missed it literally by inches, not feet.

I saw the whole thing happen just before it happened, but fortunately the outcome was much less violent.

Come on, people, pay attention to what's going on around you or you're gonna get creamed!